I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
