Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
