U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
