I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
