My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
