we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
