I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
