All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
