3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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