smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
