she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
