yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
