Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
