i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
