i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
