i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
