You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
