you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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