Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
