Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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