saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
