she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
