I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
