I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
