Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
