Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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