I'm going to jail i love you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
