I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
