before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
