Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
