I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
