seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
