Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
