We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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