Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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