what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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