Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
