At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
