so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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