I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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