i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
