Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
