I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
