I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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