You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
