this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
