So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
