So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
