I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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