Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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