I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
