Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
