I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
