Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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