I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Someone came in the potted fern
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
