there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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