Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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