I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
