So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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