Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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