my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
