new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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