smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
