she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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