Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
